1st Day in the Gym... Made me Pregnant!

HA!  Did I get your attention???  Good!  I'm laughing as I type, over the comedic absurdity of this title... However, in truth... this WAS my first day back to the gym in nearly 5 years.  Seriously?!?!  Hard to believe it's been that long... And, in a (I am not actually growing a human at this present moment) kind of a way... it did make me pregnant!  


Pregnant with Hope!  Pregnant with Courage!  And Pregnant with Zeal!

I have been anticipating my return with excitement, especially when a friend of mine agreed to join me in the journey!  Everything is better with a friend, right?  Well, in my enthusiasm, I went to the website for our gym and looked at the list of classes, and we decided we'd be able to make the Pilates class that started at 9:30AM.  And, today... I'm preparing, since my eyes open this morning, for one thing - Pilates at 9:30!

I started the coffee pot nearly 45 minutes before usual.  I actually put clothes on, almost immediately after making the bed... well, yoga pants and a T-shirt - which studies say, are actually 2 strong steps away from pajamas!  It's a scientific fact, folks!  Look it up!

Anyhow, as I was preparing to take my other friend's little cutie to school, I texted my "gym friend" (that sounds so bad - she's more than a gym friend! however...) and made sure we were still on for the class... and so, finally 9:15 comes!  We get to the gym and check my little into the childcare part.

While I'm checking into childcare, my friend informs me she's going to save us a spot in our class (which is obviously going to be overflowing with people ready to get their New Years Pilates on!) I wrap up as quickly as possible, praying I'm not leaving my kiddo in a petri dish full of germs.  Anyhow, concerns generally abated, as I did not observe any sneezing, coughing or faint feverish candidates in the room... I scurried off quickly to my new class with images of my currently "imaginary" dancer's silhouette stretching, bending, twisting and moving in the most strong and graceful ways I could muster in my mind. And here I was, turning the corner... 

I approached the door, anticipation growing like wildfire and then I see it - The look of terror on my friends face! The one that, with just a glance said: "What the HECK have you gotten me into and PLEASE don't make me stay, I think I might DIE!!! Hurry, turn around, RUN for your life and take me with YOU!!!!!"  And as I glanced around the scantly populated room, I noticed it was occupied by a small group representing our local chapter of the "Seniors Who've Still got IT" affiliation... Then, somewhere in the midst of this foggy nightmare I had interrupted, I noticed my friend's lips moving and with equal parts shock and horror, I heard her softly inform me: "This is NOT PILATES!!!" 

The whole thing seemed to transpire in slow motion and, turning my head, I caught a sheepish grin spreading across the lips of the instructor silently inviting me to stay, while the "Seniors Who've Still got IT" were just then, starting to notice the young women who were now exiting the room almost as swiftly as they had entered... Ah, Fun!  Apparently, I had scheduled us to go to the THURSDAY class on Friday... I'm sure it seemed like a Brilliant idea at the time I made it!  I can't imagine why no one else had connected with my creative day shifting... 

Once we'd crossed the threshold back into the world of the young and sweaty, we took one look at each other and after little deliberation and a slight mutual shrug, it seemed there was only one alternative... The same one you've likely chosen a thousand times: the ubiquitous TREADMILL!  And treadmill we did... Only, my friend, was apparently much better acquainted with these new and evil machines.  At first glance they seemed benign structures designed to assist in performing a basic ambulatory exercise. However, these particular ones had obviously been downloaded with, what I can only imagine to be, the internal workings of infamous torture agents...  (The kind that can't even be accurately described in Spy Novels) 

While my friend walked in a brisk, fluid, consistent rhythm as clear evidence of her obvious superiority to the sadistic mechanism she had apparently already subdued; I on the other hand, had a very different experience!  As I write this, I wonder at the motivation of my friends failure to warn me of the perilous nature of the machine I was on... and so, I was naively seduced to give the beastly robot all manner of personal information... some of it SO personal, I found myself covering the screen with my hand so as to prevent the person to the right of me from seeing it.  Meanwhile, my friend walked.  Finally, after much deliberation, and confiding, the beast began to rumble beneath my feet and commenced to full movement... and I finally joined my friend's rhythmic motion, pleased that this "thing" had granted me permission to operate.  

However, somewhere very close to 30 seconds into my blissful fitness initiation, I noticed the belt beneath my feet beginning to speed up... and then I felt it's flat surface begin to elevate as if I was no longer, simply, walking along a path, but rather climbing a mountain.  And to add insult to injury, as I'm sure was the case.  After all, I watched the little lines going back and forth across the tiny screen, no doubt, reading the terror in my eyes and the monster sped up! Suddenly and without warning I am climbing a mountain with an incline akin to Fuji or Kilimanjaro, at a speed that forced me to run and nearly caused my lungs to explode. I'm looking down in horror at the red lights flashing warnings like something may at any moment combust and FINALLY my friend decides to get involved... "turn it on manual!" she exclaims, and noticing my sustained bewilderment, adds: "look - there, the speed button - hit that!"  I'm gasping for breath, legs involuntarily fixed in uncontrollable motion, willing me to live through the ambush... and I literally, out loud, "spell cussed!"  "What the _ _ _ _?!?!?" In my defense, I panicked at the thought of my imminent demise at the hands of a machine I THOUGHT was designed to help me - but, instead was clearly trying to kill me on sight!  I didn't mean to... but, it happened... and in that moment, I was overwhelmed again with the delightful news that the God of the Universe still loves me... Ha! Well... after 45 minutes or more of an experience more akin to breaking in a bronco than walking on a treadmill, I was finished!  I was red faced, sweaty, out of breath and finished! 

And... PREGNANT!  

Maybe it was the intensity of the struggle coupled with the fact that I had actually subdued the agent of torture on which I trod, or maybe it was the simple realization that I had done it... I had taken a step.  A step toward a goal far greater than simply a new pair of jeans or little black dress.  I had taken a step into the ensuing flow of a new generation.  A generation of Promise!  And I know that this dream has not just lodged itself into the womb of my spirit, but it has begun it's slow and wonderful development and I am without doubt that it will not only continue it's growth, but that it WILL bring forth the life both inside of me and INSIDE ME.  And I am totally and joyfully committed to nurturing this pregnancy all the way to that glorious point of Delivery!  So... it was my first day back at the gym... 

*Disclaimer:  Any reference to "scientific fact" noted in this publication has been entirely in jest and has bears no relationship whatsoever to the field of science, Scientists, the integrity or credibility of Scientific Theory or anything connected in any conceivable way to the study of Science in any of it's numerous and fascinating fields.