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| Options! |
Anyhow, I'm pretty sure the earth has taken a spin around some uncharted cosmic path as things have heated up a little bit of everywhere around here... We've got weird weather shifting winds and some other weird force tossing our family dynamic into the twilight zone!
Before you go getting all freaky on me, there have been no devastating occurrences and nothing potentially life threatening, just a three year old who's finding his voice and two parents who have thought more than once about the possible benefits of a mute button! Don't get me wrong, I'm all pro "free speach" and everything and I would support to the end anyone's right to say whatever they want, even if it's completely idiotic, incorrect or even offensive - of course, simultaneously, supporting my right to choose what I hear!
However, my kid is a different story all together... We don't exactly have a "free speech" ammendment in our family constitution! We do, however have a few "laws" regarding speech and yes, even Mommy and Daddy need regular reminders to oblige the laws! We have two laws in our house regarding speech: 1) If you can't say something nice, it might be wisdom to say nothing at all. 2) We don't use our words to hurt each other, we use our words to BLESS! (The second is a recent addition, but more about that later!)
This recent upset in the Meteorological sphere has blown in a sudden onslaught of words that I would hardly consider "blessing." Some of them could be attributed to Mo---- ahem, Daddy! And others??? Well, the only explanation that seems applicable is the change in the winds...
Maybe you've heard some of the same words at your house? This could be a wide spread storm... Words like stupid, hate, and one or two others that have four letters and could potentially be attributed to a paternal member of the household... Surely the maternal member would be exempt from such grave accusation... just surely! Right??? Um, hello! Can I get some help here?!?! Geeze, and I thought you were my friends! I see how this goes!!!
Now, bear with me for the next bit here... Some of you will cringe and think me the worst Mother on planet earth and others will totally relate with my struggle to choose the most effective method in teaching Asher the often serious effects that can occur from saying things that do not "Bless!" Granted, the BEST way to teach is by example. Yes, I know! However, regardless of how perfectly calculated our behavior is in front of our children, I dare say there will be a moment or possibly even two when we will look at that little human in utter shock at something they've done or said! It happens to the best of us... and you know what, it doesn't mean we're any less than the BEST either! It just means we have little humans on our hands that have an independent will and individual perception of the world as they know it and sometimes they get it wrong. see why they need us...
Well, in an episode several weeks ago, when Asher was choosing his words from the nasty pile, I recalled a story told to me in my youth of my mother receiving a bath of "lye soap" in her mouth in my great grandmother's efforts to wash her naughty words away. And then I recalled another tale of a Mom putting something yucky on their kiddo's tongue to illustrate the fact that in the same way the substance is yucky tasting to their tongue, the ugly words they used were yucky to hear.
Okay, sounded pretty straight forward, so I tried it - yep, I did! Go ahead hang the scarlet letter to shame me or the medal to honor me, I'm pretty sure I'll get both reactions... So, I tried vinegar! And the FIRST time I did it, it worked like a charm! He took the vinegar, spit and sputtered and we talked about the object lesson. Honestly, it was pretty effective for several days. Asher was choosing blessing words and the vinegar went back to serving it's best loved flavor and medicinal purposes.
However, then it came... the dreaded moment when I needed to offer a reminder! Um, I'm wondering what happened in the translation of those stories, because NO ONE ever mentioned that it only works ONCE! Oh, yeah! It's true!!! Because the next time you attempt to anoint your little human's tongue, that smart little creature is gonna fight you like you were preparing to cut off a limb and the only way they're getting anointed is in a full on straight jacket with mechanical pry's holding open their mouths!!! THIS I could not stomach! I cannot for the life of me find the good in holding down my child with the full force of my - - - lbs, while physically forcing his mouth open in order to demonstrate his wrong language choice! I can only imagine the therapy sessions that would follow in effort to undo his PTSD over SALAD DRESSING!!!!! There MUST be a better way!!!
Ok...fast forward with me several days. Here comes hurricane potty mouth and I am stumped! What do I do??? How can I fix this??? How do get him to understand that what he says is a BIG deal??? So, I thought... hmm, the vinegar DID work the first time, so maybe a different substance he hasn't had before? And out came the Sriracha! I put I dab on my pinky and touched it to his tongue after his use of some choice language. Of course, he's spitting and sputtering again... licking his shirt sleeve trying to get the burn off of his tongue and then we talked. Asher did you like that? "NO, I HATE THAT SAUCE!!!" "Ok, well as bad as that sauce tastes is the same what those words sound - get it???" And then the yes, Mommy's came along with the promises not to say naughty words... Well, until a few days later! SERIOUSLY??? GAH!!! Well, now I've tried my options and exhausted them! Now what?
Well, I did what we all do when we run out of our own good ideas... I prayed! Yep! "God, seriously! I don't know what to do. I'm frustrated and failing and meanwhile my kid sounds like a Pirate!" Then it occurred to me. Something my friend said a few years ago that might be one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever received: "Impart the Vision!" And I said: "Okay, God, how do I impart the vision here?" And I heard: "What do you want him to say?" And here came rule #2 - We use our words to BLESS!!! So, I sat Asher down and we talked about words again... and this time, instead of simply telling him how ugly the words he was using were and how they make people feel, I began to talk to him about the words he SHOULD be saying and we practiced them and talked about how they made us feel!
You know something? It's been about three weeks now and yes, Pirate Asher still comes out at times, but you know what's different? Most of the time, all it takes is a look (if anything) and Pirate Asher is correcting himself!!! Oh, yeah!!! Using SELF CONTROL!!! And he'll say something like: "Oops!!! Sorry, Mom! I want to say blessing words..." and then a slew of kind and considerate and encouraging words begin to spill out of my little reformed Pirate's mouth! Seriously?!?! WOW! And all I can say is: "Thank you Holy Spirit for the wisdom you are so willing to pour out, when I just stop and listen!!! And thank you for being patient with me, even when I royally screw up too!"
So... When all else fails - Consider your Options! :)
And P.S. - You're AWESOME!!!
"No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:39
"Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law." Proverbs 29:18
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